My Spotless Mind

I woke up this morning so it's already a good day. When I wake up every morning, the first thought is always about me. It may be how I feel, or what I was dreaming, or something like that. I'm talking about that very first thought when I am conscious. From that point, I have to reduce my self-consciousness and remember God.

I don't like waking up alone. I am single, but that's because I had chosen to marry someone who did not love God. I didn't understand that no one could really love me if they didn't love God. I have always known what I wanted. Now, finally, I realize what I need.

I am not a preacher. There have been times in my life that others may have even wondered if I even knew God. I have come to a point in my life where I understand that pain is anywhere in my life where God is not.

Sometime last year I had been reading my spiritual text and I realized that all of it was about relationships. My chosen text is the Bible. I have formally studied all major religions, their histories and current states. I choose to be Christian. I know that this is not everyone's choice, and that's not really my concern. As my mentor put to me last year, the source of my pain was always because of my separation from God.

All the stories and teaching I have been reading has to do with the relationship between God and me, God and others, God and this earth, along with the angels whether or not they had fallen. And then there were stories about relationships between people and everything else we call reality, both seen and unseen. I believe that when I began to see and understand these relationship stories I began to wake up.

My mentor and I do not have the same religious beliefs. He taught me not to be religious. We share a strong belief in spirituality. My salvation from the pain of living came when I learned how to embrace spirituality. When this happened, I learned how to love. I learned humility, and when that gets out of whack, I have to remember something simple. How long can I hold my own pee? I am not in control of anything.

God is in control. It follows that for me to have a relationship, whether it is friends, family, or a partner, then God will have to be in control to be able to relieve the inevitable pains that we bring each other. Remember I started by saying that any part of my life where God does not live brings me pain. I am allergic to pain.

I need love. I need God. And I need you. How God operates in any of my relationships is up to the three of us. Without those three ingredients our recipe is incomplete and who knows what we'll cook up. However, if God is the center of us, then when we look into each other's eyes, as lovers, as friends, and/or as family, then we will always see home when we need to. Anything else is superficial.